Mark the Moment

Resolutions in the Sand

2012-01-12T11:01:00.001-08:00

I know it is a bit after the New Year proper, but I want to share this delightful story. You can put the idea into action anytime you are ready think about your resolutions.

Some friends of ours have an annual tradition of going to the beach at low tide on New Year's Day. Yes, I know. Not all of have beaches with low tides that we can access, but be creative and see what you can devise for yourself. They then write on the sand what they want to let go of in their life right now, and what they want to bring in. It takes them most of a tide and the beach is filled with writing. The couple started this tradition before they had children, and now they have three. All of them attend to this yearly ritual. By the high tide the thoughts are erased and sent away to where they need to go - to manifest at a later time.

For me there is something deeply cosmic about using the earth's rhythm to connect with human wishes and desires. Somehow it all seems appropriate and organic to blend the two. For those who don't have beaches, perhaps find a place where you can write where the rain will wash away the notes. Be creative to think of what nature can provide you to whisk away your resolutions and return them to the Universe for processing.

Let me know how this works for you.

Going Away Party

2011-11-22T14:54:00.000-08:00

Sara was moving away. At her going away party, her sister-in-law made up a clothes line with an airplane on one end and a mile marker on the other. She also made up little post card sized suitcases with a string attached, so everyone could write her a message and they were tied to the line - a simple way that friends and family could send best wishes to Sara as she started her new life. She could save the cards and read them when she got lonesome and know that she was loved and supported as she started a new adventure.

Simple, effective, inexpensive - a delightful way to send Sara off. I didn't hear, but I do hope each person was able to read their note out loud, because the witnessing of the wishes becomes even more meaningful when shared.

Today's Saints

2011-11-07T13:59:00.001-08:00

My husband and I attend a small Methodist church in our town. We have a new minister who is bringing us delightful insights and perspectives. Read about what happened yesterday.

We were celebrating All Saint's Day (normally November 1st). In the front of the church as we walked in was a very large bare tree branch - no leaves at all. In the bulletin everyone found two paper cut out autumn leaves (yellow and orange). Our assignment was to write the names of the saints in our lives - not just the ones from history, but ones who we have known. We then were instructed to attach them to the tree. By the end of the service our bare canvas was a cheerful expression of important people who have passed on and influenced each of us in a

special way.

This was a lovely ritual/expression of remembrance - new to our congregation, but received with joy, increasing awareness, and appreciation of the saints who have resided close to us. For me it was an unexpected meaningful moment. I am so used to planning them that when one was sprung on me, I was thoroughly enchanted - and from an arena where I wasn't expecting it. We can create unique occasions when we become aware of the many opportunities that present themselves on a regular basis. Keep your eyes open, and you may be surprised where you find them and what they are.

New Book

2011-10-03T16:21:00.000-07:00

Finally after ten years of planning, collecting stories, writing and rewriting, "Celebrating Beginnings and Endings" is a reality. I have 200 books at my house. The publish date for the public is January 2012. That's when you will find it in outlets and Amazon. At the moment I can sell them myself, so contact me if you can't wait for the public release. They are $19.95 + tax.

If you have been following this blog, you probably already have the gist of this book; inspirational vignettes of what people have done to mark significant milestones in life. It also includes a recipe and tools to help you create your own unique celebrations.

Be prepared to change the way you do the business of loving and connecting. You don't have to wish for a different approach because you now become the designer creating your reality.

You can contact me through info@mark-the-moment.com

"Cherished"

2011-09-14T10:01:00.000-07:00

I have introduced you to my 104 your old friend, Victor, from previous stories. This is the latest adventure with him. He is in his closing days on this earth - with one foot in our world and one foot in the next - yet he still loves company and can communicate in his own way.

A couple of weeks ago my string quartet and I went over to play a Haydn quartet for him. It is a little tricky to think about what I can do for him at this time in his life. His eye sight is gone. His hearing is keen and he has a love of classical music. Bringing the music to him was an interesting possibility. The day was glorious. His room is a generous one, but a bit on the small side to hold an entire quartet with stands, plus the intensity of the focused sound in that live room might have been a bit much on his senses. We set up outside his open windows and played for him. He could hear it all from the cozy comfort of his bed and we were seated in the lovely yard in the sunshine.

As I went in to say good bye to him, he lay there for a minute, then said, "I feel cherished."

We were all touched by that little statement. It summed it all up!

Finding a way to share is worth the effort. You offer what you can and let go of the outcome. In this case our payment in the form of that little statment was more gratifying than I could have ever imagined. Let your heart lead your way.

Graduation Story

2011-05-31T12:17:00.002-07:00

Our nephew, Chase, came to visit this weekend. He is finishing his fifth year of college and graduating. We hadn't seen him much during these academic years and were curious as to what they were like. Eight family members gathered.

I decided that I wanted to learn more about his college years. What would be an acceptable/non threatening way to introduce this topic? After thinking about it a while, I contacted the people who were coming and asked them to bring a question to ask Chase about his university life. When he arrived here, I asked him if he was willing to answer some questions. He said he would be glad to - so we proceeded.

We sat in a circle using a pom pom from his university as a talking piece and each guest asked a question - what was the high point of your college years and what was low? How much music did you play? What role did the fraternity have in your experience. When you hit your most challenging personal time, what sustained you to overcome the adversity? Who were your best friends? Each question added something unique to the mix and brought out highlights (and low lights) of his total years as an undergraduate. Chase was articulate and terrific about answering the questions. He could have given one or two sentences and let it go at that, but he gave insightful and interesting comments about each topic.

At the end, all of us listening to him felt we had a better understanding of his total experience, where he was heading, lessons he had learned, appreciating his ability to speak eloquently on short notice, and observing the wonderful young adult he has become ready to tackle the next stage of his life.

This circle was simple in format, fairly non threatening to the participants, and gave Chase a chance to share his story. It was a delicious closure of this part of his life - maybe it even helped him notice the bigger picture of his school life now that it was concluding.

Graduation

2011-05-31T12:17:00.001-07:00

What Can Happen to a Sparkle Queen

2011-02-21T20:47:00.000-08:00

I must confess that I am a sparkle queen. I carry small sticky sparkles with me most everywhere I go. I usually wear one on my neck and if someone comments on it, then I can share a tiny bling with them.

Over the years I have found that these little gems have a mind of their own and can turn up in interesting and unusual places when they vacate your neck - or wherever a person decides to put them.

Today was a tickle day for me with regards to the little sparkles. We are leaving town tomorrow, which meant that I was doing laundry. I did four loads - one dark clothes, sheets, one delicates and one of the white stuff. When I was folding up my husbands athletic socks, what did I behold but a tiny bling attached to the bottom of his clean sock. The little sparkle had made it all the way through the washer and the dryer and came out looking better than ever.

I must admit I broke out into a smile...even a chuckle... at finding this little gift. It must mean that there is humor in the Universe. It comes in unexpected places and lifts our spirits. There may not be any meaning. I just wanted to share this sweet story with you.

Grandma's Wine

2011-02-09T09:27:00.000-08:00

My mother-in-law was turning 88 in January, and her six children and partners were all coming to help celebrate her birthday. I was put in charge of what to do to make this time special - always a bit of a challenge to come up with something unique and meaningful. I put the Mark the Moment recipe to use and here is what I came up with...

Intention: Of course, to celebrate the birthday

Exploration:

Grandma's husband had died this summer
Grandma sold her big house and moved into a small retirement apartment, so was downsizing everything
Grandma suffers from non essential tremors, which means she can hardly get a fork to her mouth because it sways. The doctors say she can take a medication for it or she can have a glass of wine before dinner, and that will temporarily stabilize the tremors so she can eat.

It was the wine part that inspired the pieces of the celebration to fall into place

Plans:

I thought that everyone could bring a bottle of wine for her birthday party. Since she is not a wine connoisseur, she drinks only for utilitarian purposes, we could exploit the labels and have fun with them. I put out the word to bring an appropriate bottle. Each person would present their bottle and explain why they had picked it.

I was delighted with the dedication with which the family took on the project. There were funny stories about visits to the wine shops and liquor stores looking for appropriate labels. One son-in-law was determined to find a Silver Fox label. He looked and looked, but had no luck. He settled on Old Goat. Then he tried one more time and found a huge bottle called Silver Fox and gave them both to her. The illustration with the question mark on the bottle indicated "senior moments." We have a boat called "Sophia" and my husband found a bottle with that name on it. People used their creativity and humor to come up with bottles for grandma, who had been never been a wine drinker and we laughed as each offering was added to the box.

By looking at grandma's situation at this moment in time, I was able to capitalize on what was happening in her life, and package that into a practical form for the party. You too can create special occasions by using the Mark the Moment formula found on the web page http://www.mark-the-moment.com/. I encourage you to practice the concept with fun times like birthdays. You will then have the tools in place to honor more serious transitions when they come up in your life. My new book Celebrating Beginnings and Endings is getting close to publication and will help you with the process the designing your meaningful moments. I'll keep you posted as we get closer to actual publication.

Letting Go

The last part of the formula is to sit back and enjoy the unfolding of the idea. It is way too easy to judge and second guess what might be, how people will really like it, will it work and think what you might do differently. I find that my projects take on a life of their own when they fall into place. I try to sit back and laugh or cry or just enjoy what comes forth in the enactment of the evening. This sounds like a small and insignificant piece, yet when you can allow yourself to let go of the judgement and be with the unfolding, your work will take on a different unveiling into the world

Look for opportunities in your life to seize a moment for celebration and learn how to offer special gatherings for your family and friends. I am available for consultation and encouragement via email or phone. See the website for more information. Be courageous and bold and begin new traditions for your loved ones.

Celebrating a 104th Birthday

2010-12-16T09:51:00.000-08:00

My friend, Victor, who I have written about in an earlier blog, turned 104 in November. As remarkable as he is for his age, he does have quite a few limitations in his life right now. Last year he and I read through my entire manuscript of Celebrating Beginnings and Endings, with him acting as editor. I read out loud, as he has macular degeneration and can't see well enough to read himself. In the book, I talk about a formula for figuring out how to make a celebration. When I thought about Victor I didn't know what to do for him for his birthday, so I asked him if we could work with my formula and see what happens. As usual he was very willing to partake in the adventure.

My INTENTION was clear - how to do something special for Victor to celebrate his birthday.

We EXPLORED a lot about Victor by me asking many questions

-eating habits

-what gives him pleasure now

-music preferences

-he loves to listen to NPR

-noticing his limitations

-his enjoyment of family and friends visiting

Through this process, an idea emerged so I could think about PLANNING. My father-in-law had died recently and our family family spent everyday of his last days giving him a massage. He loved the gentle touch of hands which helped to keep his lymphatic system moving. I asked Victor if he had ever had a massage and was he interested in one. He said that sounded great. I contacted my massage therapist to see if she was interested in working on him. She was delighted at the thought. I asked the owner of home where Victor was living if she thought that was a good idea and she concurred. Then I told Victor and he said that sounded like a good idea.

I was pleased that Victor would work with me and the formula, and that we could come up with an idea that pleased us both.

You can find more about the formula and ideas on http://www.mark-the-moment.com/. Having a tool to help mark your own special moments in life will add meaning to those occasions that beg for a spotlight. The formula works!

A Blooming Birthday

2010-10-13T20:35:00.000-07:00

My friend Yvonne turned 60 this year - what to do for her.

I thought a lot about her and where she is in her life right now. What would bring her joy? I like the theme of 60 somethings and that helps to focus the intention. I thought of 60 pieces of candy - no; 60 CD's - too many; 60 candles - way too many seeing them altogether; then I thought of 60 flowers. Better than flowers would be bulbs that could go into the garden in the fall and voila, in the spring, there would be another birthday surprise of 60 tulips dancing with color and life. I decided that asking a birthday person to plant 60 bulbs wasn't fair. Birthdays need to be easy, so the gift included me planting them all. Yvonne needsed to choose the space and I would come with my bulb digger and insert the little gems into the ground.Yvonne seemed delighted with the idea and is already anticipating the spring show.

By taking a little time to think about your friend, you will be surprised at the clever ideas that will emerge. Keep your imagination open so the unexpected can flow in. Choosing a theme - a color, the number of years of the birthday person, a hobby, a pet, a particular room in a house or apartment, books, - can help to narrow the field. I find it such a delight when I finally stumble on the right idea. It seems like a gift to me to find a gift for another.

Hadrian's Wall

2010-08-16T09:43:00.000-07:00

My 65th birthday was coming up and I decided I wanted to walk Hadrian's Wall - an 85 mile stretch of rock wall built by the Roman Emperor Hadrian in the year 122 AD. It stretches from coast to coast in northern England - from Newcastle in the east to Bowness-on-Solway in the west. It passes through urban Newcastle-on-Tyne until it reaches the gentle uphill sloping of the suburbs along the river heading toward fertile farms. At the summit it climbs up and down the craggy headlands, the path always following the wall, ultimately winding through the fields of Cumbria and Northumberland to the sea beyond. Many of the rocks have been pilfered to make churches, fortresses and farmhouses after the wall was disbanded in about 400 AD. No wall is visible for the first and last walking days, but in between, its sturdy form connects us with Roman history.

Choosing to walk the wall for my birthday was definitely marking a moment. I wanted to share this experience with anyone who wanted to join me. I put out the word a year ahead to friends and family. I said I would do the arranging for the trip, but they would have to pay. I set tentative dates, wanting to be along the wall on my real birthday. Since I was arranging the adventure, I designed it for my comfort level. I chose to walk the 85 miles in 8 days. A "self-guided" tour company made arrangements for our accommodations and took our luggage to the next night's lodging. We had only to carry day packs with rain gear, bug spray, lunches, maps, etc.

Many people showed an interest in joining me. When it came to deposit time 18 people had signed up - including my 3 1/2 year old granddaughter and her 5 month old sister. Ultimately three persons had to drop out due to a death in the family leaving us with 15. Two were riding bikes instead of walking because of foot problems.

I am sharing this story, because for me, this was an ultimate way to mark a moment. I decided what I wanted to do and the asked the world to join in. I turned out to be a trip of a lifetime - with perfect weather, constant glorious vistas, good exercise (I had a hip replacement several years earlier so I could actually do the walking), great conversations and interesting accommodations. Everything was better than in my imagined dreams. The little kids were fabulous - as were their parents - being carried mostly in backpacks.

You too can set your goals and make your dreams a reality. They need not be as grandiose as this one. When you search your heart for what you want to realize, you can make it materialize. Don't be afraid to set your intention and move forward, allowing your life to be full of zest and energy!

Highs and Lows

2010-07-15T15:24:00.000-07:00

I have been away for a few weeks having a fabulous holiday walking Hadrian's Wall in England. Fifteen people (including my 4 month old granddaughter and her three year old sister) walked the 85 miles all across the country. Everyday we would walk about 11-12 miles from one incredible bed and breakfast to the next - with a van taking our luggage. All we needed to carry was our lunch and rain gear, which we never needed.

In the evenings we would convene for dinner and play the hi/low game. The three year old loves this game, so it's appropriate for most age levels. Each person has the opportunity to answer the two questions: What was the low point of your day? What was the high point of your day? This may not seem like earth shaking material, but it does offer connection. Sometimes we realized that a person's blisters were getting the best of them. Another person might have left their thermos at the last lodge. Sometimes we could help each other by knowing where the low points were.

For me hearing the high points helped me open my perspective. I have my personal focuses and miss things because I am used to my view of the world. When I heard what others noticed or felt, my world broadened and the next day I would find myself more aware of my surroundings and relationships.

I recommend this simple "game" for any occasion where you are having a shared activity. It' s amazing how differently people view the same experience. It's cheap, easy and allows everyone to participate (except maybe the four month old!).

New Tools

2010-06-17T13:03:00.001-07:00

This weekend our family had a lovely Circle of Sharing in honor of my father-in-law who passed away. Thirty-two immediate family members met to celebrate this special person. We used a circle format with everyone having a chance to speak. (read earlier blogs for more circle explanations)

Of the fourteen grandchildren, two couldn't make it to the gathering- one due to illness and other was too far away.

Enter tool #1: One granddaughter's dad set up a Skype, so she could hear and see everything. She could also offer her remembrance. The mom of the other granddaughter called her on the cell phone, and the phone was passed around the circle so she too could hear the memories of her grandpa. The Skype took some figuring to set up as we were outside. The phone was easy. I was amazed at the ingenuity of the parents of these girls to figure out how to include them in our circle. Even though they weren't there in person, having them a step closer and connected was heartwarming for us all.

Tool #2: In our circle there were several elders who were hard of hearing. As we were outside and had no microphone I was a little worried about everybody being able to hear. I thought about it a bit and realized that I couldn't tell who could hear and who couldn't. We needed a way to communicate when the speaker wasn't talking loud enough. I suggested that when a person couldn't hear, he/she would put her thumb up and the speaker would know to talk louder. This simple tool worked wonderfully well and most people were able to hear all that was said.

Our circle tools and practices grow with our various situations. Technology and a specific need allowed these new (to me) tools to emerge and helped to make our circle an even more satisfying experience.

Neverending Journey

2010-06-06T12:29:00.000-07:00

This story in our newspaper caught my eye. This man knew how to keep traveling even after he was gone.

Karl was a local science teacher and track coach. He and his wife loved to travel. After having a debilitating stroke, his travel days were over, yet he and his wife relived the adventures they had experienced together through sharing the stories.

The two of them decided that there was no reason that his adventures couldn't continue - at least in spirit. After his death and cremation, his wife put Karl's ashes into many small green pill bottles. She invited friends who were traveling to take a bit of Karl on their trip and drop him off is some foreign land. He laughed as they thought about this ahead of time, saying, "I won't even have to pay for an airline ticket."

So far he has been on an African safari, run a marathon in Athens, visited the forests of Germany, found the tip of Tierra del Fuego, glimpsed the Amalfi coast in Italy, hiked in Arizona and the story is not finished. There are still more bits of Karl who yearn to see even more of the world. His wife invites people to take him along whenever they are having a travel adventure.

His wife has a map of the world on her wall at home. Each time a person takes Karl on a trip, she has a push pin to mark where he was left.

This man had a quirky vision and put it into action with the help of his wife. His family has been enjoying Karl's travels, and laugh and think about all the trips he is still taking. Karl is still marking moments even after his death.

Transition Support

2010-05-05T13:47:00.000-07:00

A few years ago, a friend, named Debbie who lives in another city, asked me about setting up a transitions group. Her mom's health was failing. She lived alone. She had good friends, but desired a space where she could specifically talk about issues of transition with a supportive group. Calling it a transitions group helped define its intention

We talked about various aspects of convening the group: how many people? all women? meeting how often? where would they meet? We tried to think about questions before Debbie made a final decision of asking people.

Debbie ultimately asked four other women to join her. She picked close friends who she knew were also facing transition issues: their own health, job changes, retirement issues. They decided to meet once a month and change locations, depending on who could host. They included a pot luck dinner, so they could socialize as well as call a circle of intentional space.

The group has been meeting now for several years. The structure is in place and trust built. As the years have progressed, each of the women has ended up facing more transitional issues than they had foreseen One lost a partner. Another's mom died. Another gal did retire and was worried about finances. Because they were already set up, they easily moved into looking at the new challenges. I know Debbie has been grateful to have this support group for whatever has come up in her life. All the original women still participate.

Debbie had a vision and made it happen. Little did she know that it was going to become such an important part of her life, as transitions kept appearing unexpectedly. She followed her intuition in setting up this sacred space for meeting and found the right women to join her. They have some structure they have developed along the way to keep on track.

I tell this story in case any of you reading this blog may yearn for supportive space. It isn't difficult or expensive to call a circle. It is a bit tricky finding the right mix of people and being sure of your intention. When those pieces fall into place, you are set to embark on a special journey of heart connection. Yours may not be a transitions group. It might center on ageing, or health, or personal growth, or parenting. Zero in on your personal challenges where you may want a place to process, have support, and think about specific issues. Give us feedback in the comments if you have a story to share about an intentional group. We can all learn from each other - sometimes what doesn't work is as important as what does work.

The moth image tells of transformation - moving from one reality to another - in this case, from isolation to community.

Conscious Closure

2010-04-06T10:12:00.000-07:00

I have just completed a week away from home where I rode my horse with an instructor of my choice - thanks to a grant from the United Stated Dressage Federation. It was an amazing once in a life time experience.

What I am doing now is taking the time to draw in the pieces of this exceptional week to consciously wrap it up. Why is this important? When I go through a larger than normal experience, I can process and integrate it better if I take some time to go over what happened, and also to tidy up my life upon return. What I mean by this is that I wash the clothes, write thank yous, clean up the trailer and camper, all the small details that actually finish the project. By leaving loose ends and jumping right into the daily life grind, parts of the event can get lost in the shuffle. Doing the grunt work of washing reminds me of what I wore during my lessons and I still smell the barn and horses on the clothing. Writing thank you notes to those who helped me along the way keeps me grateful for the assistance I had making this experience a reality. In this case, I am also required to write an article about the adventure as part of the grant. This discipline adds another dimension of integrating the value of what I have just completed. Small pieces of deconstruction aid in closing a chapter with a complete ending, rather than leaving the story incomplete and dangling.

I invite you to remember to take time to put conscious closure to experiences in your life that touch you in a special way. It doesn't have to be a big deal, just a clear vision that you have finished a significant happening in your life. Be it a death of a loved one, a life transition, or a significant birthday - trust the process of conclusion. Close the book with the ending fully realized.

Showing Up

2010-03-26T21:32:00.000-07:00

I have been so busy getting ready to leave town for a week that I have hardly noticed anything going on around me - let alone any meaningful moments. My horse, Andy, and I are going away tomorrow for a barn vacation. I was given a grant by the United States Dressage Federation which allows me to ride with an instructor of my choice without the distractions of home and work - what a gift.

What does this have to do with marking a moment? At this point I feel that showing up is significant. Closing down my duties, packing the horse trailer, packing the camper, packing me and leaving have been keeping me busy with lists and more lists. It is such a big deal to get out of here that I was almost ready to bail, but I haven't. Instead I have chosen to show up at the appointed time and place and await the magic that will happen.

When you choose to show up for whatever occasion you feel is worthwhile, then you will be available for whatever happens. Believe me, you are there for a reason. Be aware of the moments when you are not sure what to do - to go or not to go. Trust your intuition to help guide you. When you think of significant times in your life, notice the ones where you have shown up and what that has meant to you and others - on many levels. Don't underestimate the importance of your presence. No one else can do what you do and be who you are.

celebrate NOW

2010-03-17T14:05:00.000-07:00

Recently I ran into Marilyn at the post office. She had just attended a memorial service for a mutual friend. I had been unable to go, so asked Marilyn about it. She said it was great, except for the fact that our friend had passed on and wasn't there to to hear the stories and love poured out for her. That made Marilyn sad. She said we need to CELEBRATE NOW, before we are dead.

Her suggestion is to gather a group of like minded close friends and start a Celebration Group - pick a day once a year, choose a person still alive and celebrate her. If they started soon most everyone would get at least one round before they died.

After our encounter the thought stayed with me. Why do we wait for a person to die? Why don't we celebrate alive days for no other reason than to honor a special person? The alive person can help to plan what she wants, and her friends would help to make it happen. Stories of her past, her dreams, shared experiences, glimpses of who she is now, pictures of her in her youth, would be shared. What a delightful way to mark a moment - for no other reason than to honor a friend while she is still with us!

Oscar - the Academy Awards

2010-03-09T14:54:00.001-08:00

The Academy Awards were presented on Sunday evening. Spectacular gowns and pencil thin women were the usual eye candy. Unusual was a woman winning in directing a film, some plus size women, and increasing ethnic diversity.

What really caught my imagination and marked the entire evening for me were the presenters for the Best Woman Actor and the Best Man Actor. I remember this happening last year and it was the best part of the evening then, and again this year.

If you didn't see the Academy Awards, this is what happened. When the time came to announce the nominees for Best Actor, and there were 5 nominees for men and 5 more for women, a colleague came onto the stage and talked about his/her nominee. Every presentation was different, heartfelt, personal and affirming. By the time these mini speeches were finished, I was nearly in tears hearing about the actors from their friends. I had the feeling that each person was a winner - even if they didn't receive an Oscar that night. The spotlight beamed with radiance on the actor during those moments as they received special tribute. I love the idea that all these gifted actors were given credit for a job well done - whether or not they won. It almost didn't matter after that.

The Academy marked the moment is a special way, because all were honored individually, even though there was just one Oscar given away. Go Academy!

Imprinting

2010-02-24T14:47:00.000-08:00

I have missed a couple of blogging Mondays due to the birth of our 2nd granddaughter. Being part of a family lineage is a strong and inspiring happening. As I was thinking about creating meaningful moments for this event, I realized that "showing up" and "being present" were the gifts that I can offer our new Isa. We were invited by our daughter to come for the birth and help out with Isa's three year old sister.

I know that in the horse world when a human has early contact with a foal, the foal then knows the smell of the that human, who becomes a part of his world. Done intentionally the practice is called imprinting. I wanted to imprint Isa with my smell, the sound of my heart beat, the sound of my voice, the feel of my arms holding her. This is perhaps more a gift to me from her than my gift to her. We were working on a bonding that will last our lifetimes.

This may sound like a small thing, but it is huge. Taking the time to be with the family, as they adjust to the changes that a new member brings and offering encouragement and help, diminishes some of the anxiety of the transition. We grandparents, aunts and uncles, are given the task and luxury to be the chosen ones who can step to the plate and help out. The benefits come in the closeness that forms between individuals - the gap closing between the generations

I hope someday you will be lucky enough to be a grandparent or special auntie, so that you too can bond with a new being and become part of her world. Together you will explore the world and see what magic appears for you to share. In order to do that you must show up and be part of her life. All sorts of meaningful moments will appear just because you are there.

Hospice Cards

2010-02-01T09:50:00.000-08:00

I love to make greeting cards. I collect interesting paper, ribbons, glue, scissors, blank cards with envelopes, a few stamps, and I am ready to create. I usually wait to make one so that I know who I am making it for, unless I am playing and experimenting with new techniques. I love the feeling of connecting with that special person when I work with my hands and heart to let the creative force come through my fingers.

Last week one of my women's group got together to make cards for our local hospice home. Each woman brought along materials to add to my collection. For several hours we chatted, worked, and thought about the people who go to die in the home, and the people who stay with them during this transition time. We hope that if the visitors feel the need to write that we have placed cards there for them to use. Our hearts feel connected to those going through a time of transition. They know that strangers are with them during this passage.

Making cards marks moments of several levels. With the group card making and giving them away, we are reaching a out to embrace people we don't know. Making an individual card for someone we know and care for takes the experience to a place of love connection.

Buying a card and posting it in the mail, emailing a little message, writing a letter - all these are tools for making a moment with people we care about. It doesn't take much time. It does take a bit of effort. We give from our hearts and show the love we feel for others. I encourage you to reconstruct this old fashioned tradition and see what happens to you in the giving end, and others who receive.

PS the card on the left say " From the fullness of the heart, the mouth speaks."

The card on the right says "It's not the lofty sail but the unseen wind that moves the ship."

The Rope that Binds

2010-01-25T12:20:00.000-08:00

This weekend our family was meeting for a reunion - family means ten adult children (some of us are in laws) and two parents. Included in the activities was a gathering time to share stories of family history Each person was asked to bring a small token to symbolize his/her story. My husband was in charge of this evening.

What Jim thought about doing was creating a line/thread/rope of connection, not only in an emotional sense, but a practical representation. He found a half inch rope about 25 feet long, which he brought along. One person took one end of the rope. Another person on the other side of the circle held the other end, thus the rope was suspended across the circle. One person told their story and put the symbol on the rope with a Christmas ornament attachment. Thinking of time constraints, Jim first thought that only the person on the other end of the rope would be allowed to comment on the story, but it turned out that comments were free for all and it worked fine. When a speaker was finished, the rope moved to the right at each end - a speaking end and a receiving end, until the rope made it all around the circle. By the end 14 little items dangled off the rope giving us reminders of the family stories.

This isn't a complicated or expensive activity. Hearing the stories would have been lovely. Having the visual rope to visualize the binding added an additional component. Seeing how the family members creatively brought their "ornaments" to the occasion was a fun addition. We hung the rope in an appropriate location at the parent's house so they could enjoy and relive the evening for as long as they wanted.

Baby's Life Journal

2010-01-12T10:41:00.000-08:00

I have made a journal for our grand daughter. The purpose is to give her a grandma's eye view of her life until she is 18. I started the book when she was born and each year I add 2 pages. I talk about what I remember of that year, add a photo of her and a sketch of mine. I hand made the book and was rather intimidated to start to the writing process, but I jumped in and told myself it would be what it would be. Maya was 3 recently and I sat back and enjoyed reading the previous entries. Maybe this book is for me, but I would like to think she may be excited to get it when she is 18.

Maya is going to have a new sister or brother at the end of the month. I realized it was time to find another book for the new baby. If I have one for Maya, I had better do one for the new child. I have a friend who makes books. We have picked out the paper and she is putting it together so I will be ready to write the first entry when new baby arrives in a couple of weeks.

I wasn't thinking of creating meaningful moments when I first started this project, but it came to mind as I was planning on starting another. I love to think about the child as her birthday comes round each year. Meaningful moments happen as I think about the year. It seems like the book will be a treasure when it is done. I hope so. Meanwhile I will enjoy the process.

"P.S. I love You"

2010-01-04T11:13:00.000-08:00

I recently read this book - "P.S. I love You" by Cecelia Ahern and was struck by the loving and creative energy that Gerry (the dead husband) put into thinking about Holly (his surviving young wife). I was amazed by Gerry's careful planning while he was dealing with the end of his life. How could he stay connected with Holly after he was gone? How could he help her make her way without him?

When folks like Gerry have the foresight, strength and time to think about their loved ones before passing on, there is potential to bridge the gap between the living and the dead. Each person's life journey is unique and is something that we can't necessarily plan for. Yet by reading a story like this, and being aware of the potential of staying connected, amazing opportunity may present itself.

Gerry left a bundle of letters for Holly, instructing her to open them monthly and gave her a task to do for each of them. He understood her so well that he instinctively knew what she might need to help her move through her grieving and on with her life.

What struck me most was Gerry's thoughtfulness and ability to think of a creative way to help Holly. This may be a novel, but it can plant seeds for a later time for each of us. Let's keep our hearts open for opportunity in any situation - even dying.

New Year's Bugs

2009-12-29T12:07:00.001-08:00

Today, December 29th, means the New Year is just around the corner. So what are we going to do about it? Seems like this is an eternal question - how to embrace the opportunity for a new beginning - how to start - where to go?

As I was pondering this question, the bugs came to mind. For me a bug is something that gets in my way emotionally, personally, maybe even spiritually. It isn't always as cute as this little lady bug, but it offers a chance to scrutinize some part of life that isn't working smoothly. When I am brave I can even call the little bug a gift, as she nudges me to work through an issue that I want to ignore. Even though many of the bugs are small, they cause me to stumble and not move through life as gracefully as I would like.

I am going to figure out which bug needs attention before January 1 and plan to do some work on it. When that bug moves on, there will probably be another one to take her place. Imagine how lovely life will be by 2011 if I can systematically tackle my bug problems through this year.

Identifying one of them and working on it seems doable. Looking at the whole nest of them is overwhelming. Picking one at a time is a task I can handle.

Do you have any bugs in your life?

Paula

Holiday theme - Snowflakes

2009-12-15T15:35:00.000-08:00

December 15 is already here and I am just beginning to think about the holidays. I think I am behind because we are leaving town to be with our children - a first for us - so the decorating frenzy and cookie making seems off the radar.

I was thinking about what I would do to make the holiday interesting for me IF I did something special. What came to mind is to pick a theme for the year. Perhaps a color - have everything red. Perhaps a plant - decorate with holly. Perhaps an animal - reindeer.

I was thinking about snowflakes myself. We have had such a cold spell here in the NW that snowflakes are appropriate this year. I would make snowflake cookies. Snowflake stencils on the windows. Use snowflake paper for wrapping. Wear snowflake earrings. Kids can cut them out of paper. Make sure there are snowflakes on the Christmas tree. Get some of the new snowflakes lights. When you start to think about it, there are lots of snowflake possibilities out there.

This isn't an earth shaking idea. It simply focuses energy and ideas in a playful and creative way for the season. I tend to be a bit intense, so this is a lightening up place for me to be. One can use the idea for other holidays as well. Green Valentines. Peppermint shamrocks. Easter fish. Halloween frogs. Whatever tickles your fancy. If you have some interesting ideas, please let us all know on the comments. Relax and have fun.

Happy holidays to you all.

Paula

Birthday Activity

2009-12-09T21:38:00.000-08:00

I want to share this story because I feel the parents invented age appropriate activities for a birthday party that were unique and fun for three year olds. By taking time to think about the child, her age, the house where the party was going to be held, the season of the year, the party ideas emerged and flowed into a memorable day for all involved.

Six children arrived at ten in the morning, when all the kids were fresh for the day. Mom set up four activity stations. First they went to a table where each child had a visor to decorate with stickers. They donned their visors and went downstairs to another station where another adult helped them pick out some sparkling temporary tattoos for their hands. They then went upstairs to a box full of pom poms. They danced around yelling and shaking the pompoms until they moved to the garage where a pinata was waiting - the pinata was made ahead by grandma and the birthday girl. Everyone had fun trying to bust open the pinata and see what was inside.

These simple activities gave the children something active and interactive to do. At age three kids need adult supervision so there were grown ups around to help at the various stations. The photo shows the birthday girl working on her visor and you can see her concentration as she is works on it.

Because each situation is different, it is important to clearly look at ideas and details ahead of time before making a plan. Some parties may be out side because it is summer. Some kids may like a pool party. Your child might love animals. Themes and activities help mark the moment. These events need not be expensive - use your creative juices to make your plan, then sit back and enjoy.

Witticisms

2009-11-30T14:23:00.000-08:00

You met my new older friend a couple of weeks ago, Vernon. I was over visiting with him today and we worked on my manuscript which is now called

Honoring Beginnings and Endings

How to Enrich Important Life Events

Vernon is a brilliant consultant/editor for me - and the fact that he celebrated his 103rd birthday last week makes the collaboration even more amazing.

While I was there, the staff was telling me about the his birthday party. Vernon has been living at the assisted care facility for about seven months. During that time the staff started to write down some of the clever things he said. The head staff person collected those sayings, put them into a book, and made copies for Vernon's family. At the party she read them out loud, then gave out the little booklets.

Talk about creating a meaningful moment. The caretakers tracked and recorded Vernon's remarkable comments. At the time they probably didn't know what they were going to do with them. They just realized that the sayings were precious. When the birthday arrived and they were thinking of what to do for a man who can't see, they came up with the idea of sharing Vernon's words and saving them for his family. I love this Mark the Moment story.

PS: If perchance my writing is more direct and less redundant, I am learning from Vernon who doesn't beat around the bush. He tells me as he hears it, as I read to him from the manuscript and he gives me his honest evaluation.

Bracelets of Love and Support

2009-11-24T17:16:00.000-08:00

About two years ago my lovely friend Teresa was diagnosed with cancer. She lives in Denver and I live in the Northwest. She needed treatment which included surgery, chemo and radiation that would take place over the course of a year. I was wondering how I could support her when I lived such a long ways away.

After thinking about the situation, and talking to a couple of mutual friends, three of us decided to make beaded bracelets for Teresa. They aren't hard to make. They are pretty and fun to wear. I asked Teresa if this was something she would like, and she said that she would. We each made twelve bracelets - one to wear ourselves and the other eleven to send to Teresa to pass out. Thirty three bracelets found new homes in Teresa's circle of friends and family. Everyone wearing the bracelet was asked to keep Teresa in their thoughts and prayers as she proceeded through her treatment.

My bracelet was blue and green. I wore it everyday for a year and half before it broke. I think I was thinking about this story because I miss the bracelet. I had Teresa with me for that entire time as her spirit spoke to me through the little beads. I thought I wanted a replacement, but the energy that came with that one ca't be replaced. My wrist is empty at the moment.

The good news is that Teresa came through all the treatment and is doing fine - maybe our little bracelets helped remind people to think of her - which we know probably helped in her healing process. At least it helped me because I felt like I was doing someting proactive. I am not quite sure how this interconnectedness works, but it is certainly worth a try, in case it makes a difference.

Seize the Moment

2009-11-16T12:14:00.000-08:00

Good Morning: My neighbor Janice works at a near by nursing home. She has a resident there named Vernon who is 102 years old. Janice knows about Mark the Moment and suggested that I might want to talk to Vernon. I wasn't sure where this would all lead, but was willing to try. I went over there this morning to meet him.

Vernon is a lovely man whose eyesight is nearly gone but whose hearing and mind are excellent. He is a scientist who has published several books, so knows some about the publishing business.
We talked and I told him about my project. He made some carefully crafted comments. He told me some relevant stories about his past, then got back on track without me having to move the conversation in that direction. I was enjoying our time together.

I wasn't sure where this visit would be going. Suddenly I had an idea. I talked to Vernon about listening to books on tapes but he wasn't very interested in that. And he sits there for long periods of time alone. Maybe we could assist each other. I asked him if he would be interested in being a consultant for me. I would bring over some pieces of manuscript to read to him. We would then have something concrete to talk about. Even though connecting hearts wasn't his subject, he was very gracious about considering it. I think he is quite honest and very sympathetic so will be a valuable resource for me. I hope we will be assisting each other. We'll take it week to week and see how it goes.

This isn't so much about marking the moment, but seizing the moment - noticing opportunity and a win/win situation unfolding. I'll keep you posted on how this goes. We start next week. The Universe provides again in unbelivably creative ways!

Paula

2009-11-11T13:23:00.001-08:00

Recently I had a friend who was diagnosed with a rare lymphoma cancer. She is a longtime teacher at one of our local schools. Because of the health issues she needed to take some time away from school. She asked for two quarters off in order to complete her treatment plan, think about what was happening and regroup.

The teachers at the school must have gone through some sort of thinking process about her. It seemed like they wanted to support her through the health struggle and the decision to take a leave of absence. There were lots of teachers and how would they do this?

My friend told me about her last day at school - how she was called into the office at the end of the day via loud speaker. When she arrived all the staff was there, complete with janitors. The group had bought a large basket and every one contributed something to the basket that would feed her, pamper her, entertain her and clothe her. She was overwhelmed, but tickled, at this outpouring of support and concern. She knew the staff was on her side looking toward a good recovery.

I felt this was a lovely and appropriate action to mark this moment. The basket provided a container for all to participate.Each staff member thought about what she might need or enjoy during this time away from school. Each little offering added up to make one smashing basket.

Opportunities for marking a moment abound. Be aware and when you find one, wonders can emerge. Keep your eyes open and savor the chance to create something unique. You can do it!

All Saint's Day

2009-11-02T08:17:00.000-08:00

Yesterday in church, we celebrated All Saint's Day - where we honor those who have passed on this last year. Although there is a long tradition of this celebration world wide, our country has not embraced this holiday. Have you ever received a Hallmark All Saint's Day card?

So yesterday six small votive candles were placed on the alter. They represented six of our congregation members who had died this last year. As part of the service, a woman read a short bio of each of them as their candle was lit. This isn't an elaborate or complicated procedure, but it touched me as I had known all the people. I was glad to be reminded of their lives and what they had meant to me.

I have decided to take that model and apply for me. I am going to keep a list on my calendar of people close to me who die this year. When next All Saint's Day comes, I will have this list to refer to, put out a candle for each of them in our house, and spend a few minutes reflecting on what they meant to me. For me it isn't gruesome, as death is a natural passage. We all affect each other and I want to relish the gifts these people left on this earth.

This is one small place where meaningful moments are found. They are tucked away in the cornors of our lives, eager to find their way into the world to make our lives richer and fuller. Be aware and you too will welcome surprising, simple, economic ways to celebrate.

Trick or Treat

2009-10-23T09:05:00.000-07:00

Next week is Halloween. I don't have kids at home anymore, but I remember every year trying to decide the candy issues. Everyone knows that parents hate all the sugar. Everyone knows the kids love it. I think the dressing up part is creative and fun, so during the years our kids were home and trick or treating, we made some compromises that worked for us.

We live in a rural community, so finding people off the grid is easy. For those of you in town, you could still use the principle and find people that may not ordinarily get kids coming to their houses.

The week before Halloween we would sit down and make a list of people who wouldn't usually get a trick or treater. We have friends out in the woods who seldom had a guest. We would choose maybe 6-8 sites. Sometimes I would call ahead to warn then to have some treats, as they would be in shock the first time. Then my husband and I would put the kids in the car and make the trek to all the houses on the list. People were thrilled to have a visitor. Our kids felt like they had a special outing and the candy was minimized. Everyone was happy.

We marked the moment in kind of a different way and it was more meaningful to us than going into town and letting the kids roam the streets where they didn't know anyone. Be creative with your children. You will find what works for you and may limit the sugar content and even add something special to the holiday.

Happy trick or treating!

Paula

the J and J party - marking the moment

2009-10-19T09:15:00.001-07:00

It's Monday morning. I think this will be my blogging day, so here we go.

I want to show you an example of marking the moment. This story hasn't happened yet, but it will and is inspired by the Julia and Julie movie.

When I mentioned in the first blog that a group of women saw the movie together, I neglected to mention that this group has been together as a women's study group for more than ten years. We had never seen a movie together in a theater, as we mostly study books meeting in our own homes. Two of our women have their birthdays in November and they are big ones this year - worthy of a celebration. About thirty years ago I gave Julia's cookbook to one of these gals as a gift. We are now going to refer to that book and design a 'Julie and Julia' party for our friends. We will use the recipes and dress in the 50's. This is the bones of the evening - I am sure more will unfold. We are planning on giving each birthday woman an amaryllis to watch grow through the holidays.

This particular celebration is like a theme party, capturing a moment in time that we shared with the movie and transposing it into our dinner gathering. As this blog emerges I will be offering more ideas for birthday celebrations with your friends and family - as well as holiday ideas that will help you move from commercial frenzy to a more basic giving from the heart. This birthday example is a fun way to get us started. I'll keep you posted as it happens - maybe even get a picture of our feast.

The Very First

2009-10-16T09:30:00.000-07:00

Hello: My name is Paula Pugh. I am hoping we'll become acquainted as this blog unfolds. At the moment I want to tell you how I finally got the nerve to start this blog project. It is a kind of strange and funny story.

A couple of weeks ago, as I had been thinking about the blog, a group of women friends and I decided to go see the movie Julie and Julia. There were a couple of things about that movie that totally inspired me in finally move into action.

The first was when Julie started her own blog. She just sat down and started. I decided that was what I needed to do - just sit down and do it. The fact that no one even responded to hers for weeks was actually encouraging to me, because I felt that would give me time to get to hang of this commitment. Just about the time I was going to start. my computer went down for a week and a half - go figure! What did the universe have to tell me about this project? The computer is fixed and we are up and running. I even figured out how to add some sketches!

The second part of the movie that grabbed me was Julia's persistence with her book project. She didn't give up. She kept working on it until finally someone understood her passion and picked it up for publication.

I am inspired by her dedication as I have a book project underway that is taking a long time to find its proper expression. This blog is called Mark the Moment, which is the name of the project - a book to help people re-create holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and times in our lives when we need and want to celebration or acknowledgement a special occason As this blog continues, my intention is to show you what people have done in their lives to add meaning, not money, to their lives. Stories, like Julie and Julia's, inspire all of us to do our best, find our passions and act on them.

I am hoping that this blog will help you along the path. Together we will explore ways to express ourselves and honor our friends and family. My wish and dream is that this message will move out into the world enough so that we can share these moments.

As we get going in this informal way, I will tell you more about myself and begin to give you stories and observations about how all of us can add dimension to our lives by being leaders and innovators. Please share your stories, as together we will encourage ourselves and others to make our lives more connected and meaningful. As we move on, you will begin to understand more what this is about. Just stick with me.

We have now started - sometimes that is the hardest part.

Mark the Moment is officially launched!!!

Paula